Biggest Mistake when Winning People Over

Biggest Mistake when Winning People Over is having to defend what should be obvious.

Attributes consumers and voters look for include:

• Trust
• Somebody I can relate to.
• A real person, not a phony, not someone who has to pretend they’re genuine.

When you have to tell people they can trust you or that you’re not a phony, you’ve gotten yourself into a hole.  People see through so-called “makeovers.”  They’ll say “That person quickly changed.  They must be acting.”

So when presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was asked about a “makeover to come across as a real person,” she was in an unenviable situation.  She had to argue she was a “real person.”  That was especially challenging when the media reported her advisors revealed the plan was to plan spontaneity — including laughing.

Okay, you’re not running for president, but you want to come across as a real person people can relate to and trust.  Here’s what you can do as a presenter.

Biggest Mistake when Winning People Over:  Takeaways

• Get ongoing feedback from people whose opinions you trust.
• Don’t wait until you have a reputation for coming across in a way that fails to connect with people.
• Ask “How do I come across in my presentations?  Do I come across as a real person or trying to look like someone else?”
• “Why exactly do you say that?  What specifically do you see?”
• Then address their concerns, which usually means “being yourself” rather than trying to impress others.

I’ve seen some of the most dramatic examples of “connection” problems with TV news anchors just beginning their careers.  They model themselves after others they watch on TV.  They try to people they’re not.

We’ll often set up a video camera in the side of the room to record part of our conversation., then ask them to deliver a news story.  Then we play back the videos.  They’re different.  When they read to the camera, they look like they’re trying to be an anchor.   The earlier part is conversational and genuine.  We ask:  “Who’s the real person?”  Some anchors are shocked to see the difference.  They learn the value of “being themselves.”  And that wins people over.

This social media comment sums up the problem to avoid.  It’s a reaction to Hillary Clinton’s comments on CBS’ “Face the Nation.”

Don’t dig yourself into a hole to have to answers questions about the real you.  Contact me to discuss ways you can connect more effectively with people:  bob@kaplitz.tv.